theministryoftruth: Ministry of Truth - Great Britain is Repossessing the U.S.A. - A Message from John Cleese
bsdetector
· 1 year ago
Lame, and not from John Cleese.
Chris
· 1 year ago
Entirely not lame. This formerly grand country of our's has been off course for some time.
ministryoftruth
· 1 year ago
Thanks chris... yes it's not Lame and it's from John Cleese. bdsdetector, check your facts and enjoy english humour. I agree, England, i'm in Cambridge you see, is off course (especially with the economic downturn).
Lucy Sommer
· 1 year ago
Wonderful, John. I love this. America has been off course for so long, many of us feel lost and totally rudderless.
With you monetary help, can I come to England to live?
Thanks for the great post!
kjhgsdjhkawr
· 1 year ago
Its not from John Cleese, but it is funny and it should posted around towns in America. Better yet, post it at gun ranges, fast food outlets and shopping malls, I gather it is these places where yanks congregate.
I enjoyed that .. probably only really appreciated by a British mind - perhaps not?! Great satirical ideas ...
Christopher
· 1 year ago
How about "England becomes the 51st state in the Union." Not as funny, but probably more realistic.
spiderwebby
· 1 year ago
make it so!
spiderwebby
· 1 year ago
51st state my arse. dont make us send in the SAS.
if you even think of thinking of bringing up the navy seals... just don't.
Mike
· 1 year ago
At first I was offended, but then I LOL'd
Thanks for this read.
jessica
· 1 year ago
brilliant
Alex
· 1 year ago
What? No! We want to regain ownership over America, not have you Americans come to our green and pleasant land.
And yeah, brilliant post, :)
KMN
· 1 year ago
This is hilarious. Except, I don't think I'll bow down to the English.
asd
· 1 year ago
Dumbass
liv
· 1 year ago
How I wish.... Take us over puleeeze!
joshua
· 1 year ago
i just can not stop laughing its fantastic or as the americans would say 'auwwwsome'
-josh
dock
· 1 year ago
Very funny, we kicked your arse once and will be happy to do it again, signed an American Irishman
jurgen
· 1 year ago
that is the funniest thing i have read for a long time .excellent !!
DMC
· 1 year ago
Dock, there's no such thing as an "American Irishman", you're just an "American". Signed, an Irishman.
mik
· 1 year ago
Dock, neither america or ireland have ever kicked the uk's arse. I doubt they would either, we've got the sas which is full of hard scottish bastards. signed, half scot, half irish
McCoy
· 1 year ago
dock - "Very funny, we kicked your arse once and will be happy to do it again, signed an American Irishman"
Ever been to Ireland?
La mexicana
· 1 year ago
Haven't read anything so funny for a long time (and so remarkably true!!!). I cannot stop laughing yet...thank you!!!
Hyrum
· 1 year ago
This is funny and I think maybe what we need is to loose our liberties so that we will relearn to appreciate them.
Chris
· 1 year ago
I think it's really pathetic that some people can stereotype so much, American or English. We speak the same language, watch the same movies, listen to the same music, and bicker like a group of children.
eNME
· 1 year ago
It dosent matter who wrote it! although it has a very amusing tone it is quite clearly all true. America is like a petulent child in it's teenage years, it thinks it knows best it uses some kind of slang language called US English, just what is US English???(slang by any other name. And just like any teenager it thinks it has to be bigger, better, faster and have more of everything before it has learned to become an adult. Dog Bless the United States of Amoeba.
wes
· 1 year ago
Hilarious, not from Cleese but we forgive you.
1. Read your wikipedia. Aluminum was coined first by a Brit plus it's easier to pronounce. 2. "'u' is superfluous. Look it up in the OED. 3. Sorry for the influence like, but like you use those words in sentences differently. 4. You're right. Should have been July 2nd. Things took longer to sign then. 5. I'm sorry you were never taught to properly handle adult tools. Fox make good targets. Bring your dogs. Oh but it's illegal now, right? Did big bro get you on CCTV? 6. A Permit will also be required to watch TV. You mean you didn't pay and post your little sign? Bad Brit! 7. Touche. Anglophone nation cars are crap. Who owns Rolls again? 8. Roundabouts are innavigable by cars much less pedestrians. And while I insist on a proper pint you might be happy with 355 mil. 9. We should have yellows between red and green lights too but when you have 2 tonnes of Hemi and $2 gas who cares? 10. Are you really going to criticize our food from the home of the spotted dick? Yum! 11. My favorite is Caledonian 80/- so you won't get a lot of argument on this one. But unlike some island nations we’ve got some pretty innovative microbrews. 12. Watch the American episode of Fawlty Towers and cast stones. The pilot of ‘Spooks’ was pretty ugly too. 13. Soccer is for pre-teen girls and guys with big hair. Like your version of basketball. 14. If I wanted to watch Indians beat on the Brit I’d watch Gandhi twice a year. And baseball is the only asymmetrical game played. Watch sport in a mirror and you’ll see what I mean. 15. George H.W. Bush (shhhh!) 16.Hey, thanks for paying off your WWII debt in 1996. We forgot to celebrate but next time I see St. George’s flag I’ll toss invoices. 17. And that’s why you’re tossers. My dear old mom drinks tea after 30 years of proper coffee. Do you cut the crusts off those cucumber sandwiches? And strawberries are always in season. We have year ‘round access to fresh fruits and vegetables thanks to So. America. Thank you South America!
fromage
· 1 year ago
nigger ate cheese
Yanks Suck
· 1 year ago
Soccer is for pre-teen girls and guys with big hair. Like your version of basketball.
Never seen a proper football (british) player wearing padding and a helmet. And by your version of basketball do you mean YOUR version of netball!!! Thats right! You yanks americanised our womens sport (netball) and made it into basket(net)ball!
...
· 1 year ago
Glad im not a yank!!!!!!!!
Rudi
· 1 year ago
Hey 'Yanks Suck', don't forget that other girly game taken from England... Rounders (renamed baseball). Cleese or not it's funny. Allways good to laugh at each other with some friendly banter...
Philfy
· 1 year ago
its all a bit of fun,i like to take the piss out of people but taking the piss out of americans is like shitting on a cripples lap while he sleeps
Adam
· 1 year ago
Superb!
Shame about the reference to electing a competent president which, fingers crossed, they have now.
tom
· 1 year ago
I would make an amendment:
18. Americans must stop making any reference to "A British Accent" and "British People" immediately. There is no such thing as a singular or generic "British accent" or "British Person". There are four mainstream British accents and peoples: English, Irish, Scottish and Welsh with regional variations (of accents) on each. Even refering to an "English accent" is technically incorrect, but forgivable.
Cal
· 1 year ago
LOL! You've really got nothing have you? I assumed we'd see a good comeback but...hey you tried. At least it added to the original point i suppose.
Oh and very much liking the 'America in its teenage years thing'. Never thought of that but I guess it makes a lot of sense.
Cal
Hilarious, not from Cleese but we forgive you.
1. Read your wikipedia. Aluminum was coined first by a Brit plus it's easier to pronounce. 2. "'u' is superfluous. Look it up in the OED. 3. Sorry for the influence like, but like you use those words in sentences differently. 4. You're right. Should have been July 2nd. Things took longer to sign then. 5. I'm sorry you were never taught to properly handle adult tools. Fox make good targets. Bring your dogs. Oh but it's illegal now, right? Did big bro get you on CCTV? 6. A Permit will also be required to watch TV. You mean you didn't pay and post your little sign? Bad Brit! 7. Touche. Anglophone nation cars are crap. Who owns Rolls again? 8. Roundabouts are innavigable by cars much less pedestrians. And while I insist on a proper pint you might be happy with 355 mil. 9. We should have yellows between red and green lights too but when you have 2 tonnes of Hemi and $2 gas who cares? 10. Are you really going to criticize our food from the home of the spotted dick? Yum! 11. My favorite is Caledonian 80/- so you won't get a lot of argument on this one. But unlike some island nations we’ve got some pretty innovative microbrews. 12. Watch the American episode of Fawlty Towers and cast stones. The pilot of ‘Spooks’ was pretty ugly too. 13. Soccer is for pre-teen girls and guys with big hair. Like your version of basketball. 14. If I wanted to watch Indians beat on the Brit I’d watch Gandhi twice a year. And baseball is the only asymmetrical game played. Watch sport in a mirror and you’ll see what I mean. 15. George H.W. Bush (shhhh!) 16.Hey, thanks for paying off your WWII debt in 1996. We forgot to celebrate but next time I see St. George’s flag I’ll toss invoices. 17. And that’s why you’re tossers. My dear old mom drinks tea after 30 years of proper coffee. Do you cut the crusts off those cucumber sandwiches? And strawberries are always in season. We have year ‘round access to fresh fruits and vegetables thanks to So. America. Thank you South America!
Dom
· 1 year ago
Wow, this just might be the longuest comment roll on my blog. Thanks guys, check out the other non english/yank hate stuff, it is hopefully all just as interesting.
caitlin the american
· 1 year ago
this is retarded. why are all people from brittain smell bad? and have such terrible teeth?
jurij
· 1 year ago
this is fucking awsome :) great idea....nicely done!
Jill
· 1 year ago
I am an Aussie and I think you all should bow down to us...but I do feel a bit sorry for the yanks though they should learn proper english, bann guns and most importantly learn there are other countries in the world...AND... I thought I would make this clear...Australia is not in the middle of Europe...Thats...A-U-S-T-R-I-A...thought I should teach all you that...happy learning...
JudgeRight
· 1 year ago
Being properly a libertarian American, I can only agree to one of your proposals and you'll have to guess which one. Since I served our military on one of your RAF bases, I would be one of those 2.1% who are aware of the world beyond our borders and frankly, Cricket reminds me of something that you put on your cucumber sandwich and serve with your Chinese leaves in your Chinese dishes. As it happens, I've been watching how your parliament is handling your stealth jihad problems, tax problems, etc., and I am not impressed. You'd be much better off to manage your own politics before investing in those of foreign shores. Just a friendly reminder from a judgmental Yank across the pond.
Appreciate the kindly offer, just the same.
your mUm
· 1 year ago
haha, it's funny because Americans are stupid people who truly believe that they are better than everyone else and that they have the right to try and change languages......stupid people and your words.
eew tea
· 1 year ago
At first I tried to like this post because I really like John Cleese but now that I know it wasn't his I feel comfortable admitting that it is pretty lame. It is basically the same old stereotypes all put in one list. England has a nice long history of being hated by the rest of the world for being arrogant bullies and willfully ignorant of the rest of the world since way before America was even born. England griping at America about this stuff is like a pot smoking dad yelling at his kid for smoking pot. As in that anti-drug commercial "we learned it from you"
BTW I'm an American in the UK and your teenagers don't even have their native accents anymore, they all sound like they are from the OC or Laguna Beach. Listen to them and stop ragging on us for saying like too much.
And another thing, if you even try to send your crappy tea over to America we'll just throw it in the ocean again!
Leela
· 1 year ago
Well I thought it was hilarious, though I can't imagine why anyone would want to put vinegar on anything, especially fries. awful! Also, who does he expect us to cast as villains if not the English? The French for Christs sake?!?!
It definitely sounds like Cleese's style, but how can anyone be sure unless it were filmed. Then again, if I were Cleese Id be posting things on the internet left and right. Shouldn't it be on his own website then though?
NOONE
· 1 year ago
ITS A GOOD THING THE BS DETECTOR IS ON THE CASE
Rose
· 1 year ago
O.O
I'm afraid that I will have to riot if I'm forced to pay SIX DOLLARS for gas. We just finally got back down to under two dollars.
o.o
That was great XD. I especially like 3, 6, 12, 13 (yes, thirteen especially), and 15.
Fear
· 1 year ago
Stereotypes are so wonderful. What would we do without them. Life would be so boring. We might actually have to realize that people are virtually the same and generally all desire the same things for their families and themselves. If we figured that out, what would we fight about? What would we kill each other over? What would you blog about? The prospect of living in a world free of stereotypes and based upon similarities rather than differences terrifies me.
my77raisins
· 11 months ago
I absolutely can't wait to pass this on to my newly reinstated 'mates'! This is the funniest article I've read in years. In fact, with the state of America being what it is, I might be willing to concede my citizenship! (obviously LOL) In essence what I'd like to say is JOHN CLEESE RULES! God save the queen!
Jemmah
· 11 months ago
"If you’re not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you’re not grown up enough to handle a gun."
Fabulous stuff. :)
kjinx
· 6 months ago
I'm a Yank, and as much as I regret the impending loss of my beloved homeland, John Cleese cannot be wrong and nothing he says could ever be considered "lame"! Pass the chips!
All Comments
With you monetary help, can I come to England to live?
Thanks for the great post!
http://www.snopes.com/politics/satire/revocatio...
Not as funny, but probably more realistic.
dont make us send in the SAS.
if you even think of thinking of bringing up the navy seals... just don't.
Thanks for this read.
And yeah, brilliant post, :)
its fantastic or as the americans would say
'auwwwsome'
-josh
Signed, an Irishman.
signed, half scot, half irish
Ever been to Ireland?
1. Read your wikipedia. Aluminum was coined first by a Brit plus it's easier to pronounce.
2. "'u' is superfluous. Look it up in the OED.
3. Sorry for the influence like, but like you use those words in sentences differently.
4. You're right. Should have been July 2nd. Things took longer to sign then.
5. I'm sorry you were never taught to properly handle adult tools. Fox make good targets. Bring your dogs. Oh but it's illegal now, right? Did big bro get you on CCTV?
6. A Permit will also be required to watch TV. You mean you didn't pay and post your little sign? Bad Brit!
7. Touche. Anglophone nation cars are crap. Who owns Rolls again?
8. Roundabouts are innavigable by cars much less pedestrians. And while I insist on a proper pint you might be happy with 355 mil.
9. We should have yellows between red and green lights too but when you have 2 tonnes of Hemi and $2 gas who cares?
10. Are you really going to criticize our food from the home of the spotted dick? Yum!
11. My favorite is Caledonian 80/- so you won't get a lot of argument on this one. But unlike some island nations we’ve got some pretty innovative microbrews.
12. Watch the American episode of Fawlty Towers and cast stones. The pilot of ‘Spooks’ was pretty ugly too.
13. Soccer is for pre-teen girls and guys with big hair. Like your version of basketball.
14. If I wanted to watch Indians beat on the Brit I’d watch Gandhi twice a year. And baseball is the only asymmetrical game played. Watch sport in a mirror and you’ll see what I mean.
15. George H.W. Bush (shhhh!)
16.Hey, thanks for paying off your WWII debt in 1996. We forgot to celebrate but next time I see St. George’s flag I’ll toss invoices.
17. And that’s why you’re tossers. My dear old mom drinks tea after 30 years of proper coffee. Do you cut the crusts off those cucumber sandwiches? And strawberries are always in season. We have year ‘round access to fresh fruits and vegetables thanks to So. America. Thank you South America!
Never seen a proper football (british) player wearing padding and a helmet. And by your version of basketball do you mean YOUR version of netball!!! Thats right! You yanks americanised our womens sport (netball) and made it into basket(net)ball!
Shame about the reference to electing a competent president which, fingers crossed, they have now.
18. Americans must stop making any reference to "A British Accent" and "British People" immediately. There is no such thing as a singular or generic "British accent" or "British Person". There are four mainstream British accents and peoples: English, Irish, Scottish and Welsh with regional variations (of accents) on each. Even refering to an "English accent" is technically incorrect, but forgivable.
Oh and very much liking the 'America in its teenage years thing'. Never thought of that but I guess it makes a lot of sense.
Cal
Hilarious, not from Cleese but we forgive you.
1. Read your wikipedia. Aluminum was coined first by a Brit plus it's easier to pronounce.
2. "'u' is superfluous. Look it up in the OED.
3. Sorry for the influence like, but like you use those words in sentences differently.
4. You're right. Should have been July 2nd. Things took longer to sign then.
5. I'm sorry you were never taught to properly handle adult tools. Fox make good targets. Bring your dogs. Oh but it's illegal now, right? Did big bro get you on CCTV?
6. A Permit will also be required to watch TV. You mean you didn't pay and post your little sign? Bad Brit!
7. Touche. Anglophone nation cars are crap. Who owns Rolls again?
8. Roundabouts are innavigable by cars much less pedestrians. And while I insist on a proper pint you might be happy with 355 mil.
9. We should have yellows between red and green lights too but when you have 2 tonnes of Hemi and $2 gas who cares?
10. Are you really going to criticize our food from the home of the spotted dick? Yum!
11. My favorite is Caledonian 80/- so you won't get a lot of argument on this one. But unlike some island nations we’ve got some pretty innovative microbrews.
12. Watch the American episode of Fawlty Towers and cast stones. The pilot of ‘Spooks’ was pretty ugly too.
13. Soccer is for pre-teen girls and guys with big hair. Like your version of basketball.
14. If I wanted to watch Indians beat on the Brit I’d watch Gandhi twice a year. And baseball is the only asymmetrical game played. Watch sport in a mirror and you’ll see what I mean.
15. George H.W. Bush (shhhh!)
16.Hey, thanks for paying off your WWII debt in 1996. We forgot to celebrate but next time I see St. George’s flag I’ll toss invoices.
17. And that’s why you’re tossers. My dear old mom drinks tea after 30 years of proper coffee. Do you cut the crusts off those cucumber sandwiches? And strawberries are always in season. We have year ‘round access to fresh fruits and vegetables thanks to So. America. Thank you South America!
Appreciate the kindly offer, just the same.
BTW I'm an American in the UK and your teenagers don't even have their native accents anymore, they all sound like they are from the OC or Laguna Beach. Listen to them and stop ragging on us for saying like too much.
And another thing, if you even try to send your crappy tea over to America we'll just throw it in the ocean again!
It definitely sounds like Cleese's style, but how can anyone be sure unless it were filmed. Then again, if I were Cleese Id be posting things on the internet left and right. Shouldn't it be on his own website then though?
I'm afraid that I will have to riot if I'm forced to pay SIX DOLLARS for gas. We just finally got back down to under two dollars.
o.o
That was great XD. I especially like 3, 6, 12, 13 (yes, thirteen especially), and 15.
Fabulous stuff. :)